First Love By Michelle67d

Title: First Love
Author: Michelle67d
Rating: PG-13
Warning: sexual innuendo - nothing graphic, couple of cuss words(it's Derek - what can I say). violence of course(It's Terminator)
Main Characters: Derek, Amanda
Supporting Characters: John, Kyle, Willie, Cameron
Summary: A story examining Derek Reese's first love and why he hates the machines so much.
Author's note: Until the epilogue this story is told from Derek Reese's viewpoint. It's how he sees things.
After I had already written the piece I found out that Kyle wasn't captured and put in a Skynet work camp until 2015. While I considered rewriting the parts that dealt with Kyle and making the character much older I decided against it for the fact that I wanted Derek's first love to be at a younger age when he would be the most innocent.
I hope the reader can look past the blunder...if not just pretend it's an alternate time line - as often as the time line is changed it's possible that one day Kyle Reese will be placed in the camp at a young age.
Disclaimer:I do not own the characters in this story, nor do I own any rights to the television show Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. They belong to the shows creators and the FOX network.


Water...all he had wanted was water. Derek's thirst compelled him to reach for the canister in spite of his chains and blinded him to the reality of what sat before him. His vision was restored to that reality when the machine grabbed his arm and punched him upside the face. A flurry of memories invade his mind as his head hit the floor.


Grabbing the can of food, Derek made a run for it.

"Tonight's pickings are slim.", he thought.

The area he had wanted to explore had been crawling with the machines. Limited in his search he had found very little.

His cowering demeanor even as he fled made him feel like a coward.

Weeks earlier he had lost his brother to the machines and in a failed attempt to rescue him, Derek had almost been captured himself. Aided by his gift for speed, he had saved himself only by the narrowest of margins. The sheer strength he had witnessed from these metallic creatures had caused him to lose all hope and he had resolved himself to the fact that Kyle was probably dead. The only thing that kept him from falling apart was the fact that he now had someone else to take care of.

Amanda had stumbled into Derek's life three days after Kyle had been taken. Dishelved and disoriented, not to mention badly bruised she wouldn't talk to Derek for days. He had seen it before in many of the people he had glanced at a distance. They all looked the same...shocked. One day they had been chatting on their cell phones, texting their friends, making plans to enjoy the day and the next they were scrounging for food among the rubble of what was once human civilization.

Derek had not approached any of them. As the guilt he felt for failing his little brother ate away at him, he shunned human company. But Amanda had been different. Maybe it was the desperation in her eyes, maybe it was her sweet soft voice, or perhaps, it was simply that Derek believed that he could redeem himself by succeeding with Amanda where he had failed with Kyle. What ever the reason, he found he could not turn her away.

"It's more than that and you know it", thought Derek as he approached what was left of an old factory building.

"Smitten", that's what is father would have said.

At the thought of his father Derek winced. He missed him terribly. His dad had always been there for him, had always supported him in his dreams...dreams of playing for the major leagues...dreams for a happy life...dreams that would now go forever unfulfilled. What could have been had been swallowed up by the dark ash of a burning world. All that was left was the sound of metal.

Ominously the dark thoughts hung over him, and he made a conscious effort to focus on something more cheerful.

"Dad would have called this my first crush", he spoke softly to himself, "...and teased me relentlessly".

Derek smiled at the thought. It wasn't that he hadn't noticed girls before but his life had revolved so much around fulfilling his dream of playing in the major leagues that he had not had time for girls.

"I have all the time left in the world now", he thought.

Derek entered into the remains of the factory and made his way through the rubble to a broken door that though unhinged remained standing.

"No need to open it.", he thought as he stepped around the edge of the door. The wall beside it was gone.

The figure in the corner of the small room jerked anxiously as Derek entered.

"It's okay it's just me", he said.

As Derek grew closer and the shadows fell away he could see the features of Amanda's face come into view. Even with all the dirt smudging her face Derek thought she was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. He could hear the faint voice of his father teasing him in the background, "You've got it bad, eh' boy."

At the thought of his father Derek smiled again. His Dad would have liked Amanda.

"I didn't hear you coming", she said.

She had been that way ever since he had found her...distracted. It was normal considering the circumstances but it wasn't a good thing. One distracted moment could get you captured or killed by the machines.

"You need to be more alert to what's going on, Amanda. They got my could be next if you don't pay attention. And there is no telling what they did to him. He's probably dead", he said dryly.

"He's fine", she answered.

And this is why she needed him so much...she was still in denial. To her everything was fine. She could not grasp that the world she had once known was gone.

As Derek stepped closer he noticed what sat next to her.

Exasperated he asked "Were you playing that!?

"I thought that it would help pass the time." she answered.

Derek looked in anger at the phonograph they had found days earlier. He had wanted to leave it. Of what use was it anyway, but in Amanda's need to cling to something from the past...anything, Derek had given in to her incessant pleading.

"Pass the time...", Derek almost lost it, "Amanda, you can't play that thing. It'll draw the machines!"

She looked up at him with hurt in her eyes...had she done something wrong.

The anger that arose within him quickly melted away as he gazed upon her disheveled state. She looked so small. There was no way he could raise his voice to her in anger again.

Sighing he said, "I was only able to get one can of food. I'll have to go back out tomorrow."

"I'm not really hungry" she said, "you can have it for tonight...maybe save something for me...for in the morning."

He understood. The gravity of the situation weighed down on her as much as on him, even if she refused to acknowledge it. The burden at times had stolen his appetite as well. At least Derek hoped that's all it was. The lingering fear of radiation sickness skirted the edges of his mind but that was something that at this stage even he refused to acknowledge.

Derek lowered his head, "Okay, I'll wait to eat a little later".

Looking up at her, he found he couldn't keep from smiling.Yesterday had been the first time she had smiled back and today she didn't disappoint. At that moment he thought he would have done anything to see her smile again.


Awakening to a face full of cold water, Derek was transported back to his own time... a time of imprisonment. Unlocking his chains the machine grabbed him by the arm and halfway pulled him up. Despite his determination to remain silent Derek found himself releasing a yelp.

"Why the hell did he wake me up for this", Derek thought. "Did he just want to see me suffer?"

The bar code that the lasar seared into his flesh stood out from the tattoo on his forearm. The pain was blinding.

With the imprinting complete, the machine quickly re-chained Derek to the floor. Welcoming unconsciousness Derek returned to an earlier time.


Derek held Amanda in his arms. As the days had rolled by, she had slowly opened up to him. He had become the shoulder she could lean on...the one she could depend on. And for the first time she had let him hold her.

The timidness was still there but she hadn't fought him when he had embraced her and slowly she had relaxed in his arms. He found he never wanted to let her go.

The night was eerily gunfire in the screams from the unsuspecting as the machines bore down on them. It was peaceful. Derek imagined that if the sky had not been full of the debris from the bombs that one could have spied a full moon. To him this night was perfect.

Pulling back, he gazed into her eyes. He smiled slightly to gage what she might be thinking. She smiled back. Because of her shyness he had planned to wait on kissing her until she was more comfortable with what was happening between them, but the encouraging smile had caught him off guard and he had found himself plunging ahead without thinking.

She didn't pull away and Derek realized that perhaps he had been wrong. He had not been waiting on her...she had been waiting on him. And he forgot...the bombs...the machines...scrounging for food...even his brother. In that one moment everything else faded away as Derek experienced his first time.


Doubts had began to assail him. The question as to whether there was a secret weapon or not or whether Connor might be crazy had begun to take their toll on Derek. The light overhead...the whole thing was just too surreal and he was beginning to lose track of time.

And the music...what about the music...since when did terminators listed to music.
Tibbs had said it had been coming from the basement. Billy had returned from there not long ago, but in his state Derek didn't see him answering any questions for a while.

He looked down at where his chains lay and began to go back to work. Working the screw Derek had made some headway on loosening his chains and had given himself renewed hope. If he was going to escape he had no one he could trust but himself. As he worked...he remembered.


"I talked to them not more than half and hour ago." Derek said excitedly.

Amanda looked at him curiously.

"There were at least a dozen of them. Don't you see...they're organizing. We stand a chance now. All we have to do is get to their camp" he explained.

"Their camp?" Amanda questioned.

He was going to have a hard time getting her to move. Since they had holed up here she had refused to go out. Getting her to leave was going to be a problem.

"Amanda, listen we can do this. People are there. They have food...and water. We don't have to stay here living like rats scurrying around looking for our next meal.", he reasoned.

Amanda began to shake her head, " I don't want to leave here Derek. The machines..."

"...are eventually going to search this place like they are searching all the others." he finished, " The more people we are with the better chance we have."

She seemed to hesitate. "Derek, I don't know...I just..." flustered she couldn't finish her words.

"You know I'm right." he said, "Come on Amanda, we've got to do this...we've got to go."

"Maybe...", she said.

It was all that Derek needed to hear. He grabbed the jacket he had found for Amanda.It wasn't anything fashionable like he would have given her before the bombs but it kept her warm and for that Derek believed she was thankful. It did have a unique decal of a dragon on the front. One day Derek would have the same image tattooed on his forearm.

Taking Amanda by the arm, Derek said, "You've got to be alert, okay. Keep your eyes open and follow me. We can't get separated."

Derek could feel her reluctance but just like when he had held her for the first time she gave in.

Derek followed the directions the survivors had given him. For the first 30 minutes they had been machines had been lulling about and Derek had in hushed tones explained to Amanda the rest of what his new acquaintances had told him.

"Some guy by the name of John Connor escaped from one of the work camps and has been teaching the survivors how to fight the machines. Do you know that the A.I. responsible for this has a name...Skynet...can you believe that? They said that they've actually been able to take out a couple of the things bases."

Derek was amazed at his own exuberance at the prospect of taking out the machines and had to quiten himself because of the excitement in his voice.

Lowering his tone he continued, "This Connor...he didn't escape alone. They said a young kid by the name of Kyle Reese came out with him. Can you believe it? My brother's alive and I'm going to see him again and we can be together...we can be a..."

Derek broke off. He had been about to say family. He thought that Amanda had some idea of how he felt about her but he didn't want to scare her off by moving too fast. After all they were both very young but as far as he was concerned she was the one.

"Well... you know what I mean." Derek mumbled. His foot crunched down on the human remains that littered the path he and Amanda walked.

Recognizing a couple of the landmarks that had been mentioned by his guides Derek softly said to Amanda, "We're close."

A piercing howl filled the air followed by another and another. Derek and Amanda froze. Scanning the horizon Derek saw the outline of three dogs and a shadowy figure following behind.

"It's okay they're with me", the figure called out, "You could call them metal detectors... they warn us of the machines. Hurry they'll be here quickly!"

The figure was still a good way off when the first explosion hit. Derek grabbed Amanda's hand and tried to pull her forward but she wasn't cooperating. The machines were between them and the resistance and Amanda was pulling on him to go back the way that they had come.

"Amanda!Come with me!We can do this!", Derek yelled.

Yet doubt filled his mind. He was afraid for her.

The next explosion threw debris in Derek's face. Amanda's hand slipped from his. Blinded by the dirt Derek began to scream, "Amanda...Amanda!"

Derek felt someone grab his arm and pull him out of the line of fire.


Andi's grasp on Derek was broken as the T600 drug him away. The time had come. It was Derek's turn to see what was in the basement.

As Derek was being led down the stairs he thought about the things that Andi had told him...the things that had served to magnify his fear. Andi had called Skynet a mind...not a computer. He said that it had gotten angry...then afraid and that Andi couldn't assuage it's fears.

"What would have made Billy...Andi confess something like that", thought Derek.

That's what scared him. A machine that could feel...not just follow it's programming...a machine like that could act irrational...could be unpredictable. As Derek neared the basement he was terrified.

The T600 opened the door.


"Kyle tells me your his brother, Derek", said the figure that stood beside Derek's cot, "I'm John Connor".

Derek looked up.

"He doesn't look like any soldier I've ever seen." he thought, " I didn't think he'd be this young."

At the mention of Kyle, Derek asked, "My brother, is he here? Can I talk to him?"

"Yes, he's here but he's resting. He stayed up all night with you...wore himself out waiting for you to wake up.", Connor replied

Derek glanced around the room at the makeshift hospital. A lot of wounded men and women dotted the room but he didn't see Amanda anywhere.

"There was a girl with she here...did she make it?" Derek asked.

Derek's heart was racing.

Connor shook his head and replied, "I'm sorry...the machines came up behind you. You were hemmed in. The best chance you had was to plow through the ones in front. We were fighting on the other side...coming our way was the best chance you had..."

"She ran the other way, didn't she?" Derek interrupted.

John dropped his head.

"She probably didn't see them...they came out of nowhere but once she turned it was too late...she was lost in the confusion." John explained.

"She didn't want to come...she was scared to go out. It was a miracle that I got her to come at all.", Derek mumbled.

Derek didn't want to cry in front of this stranger but he could feel the tears coming. Purposely he made himself think that she might be still alive...that there might be hope. Kyle had made it out okay...why not Amanda?

As if he could read his mind John seemed to answer Derek's thoughts.

"I know this is hard for you. We lose people everyday. She's either in a work camp or dead but either way the chance of you seeing her again is slim to none. The quicker you accept that...the easier it'll be on you." John stated bluntly.

Anger filled Derek's heart replacing the pain he had felt reaching for the surface earlier. Who did this John Connor think he was? This was not what Derek wanted to hear.

Fighting back the desire to punch Connor in the face, Derek allowed a smile to cross his face, however it did not reach is eyes which had grown cold.

Jokingly he said, "That's your pep talk."

Connor laughed. "It wouldn't be my choice of speeches, but someone ones got to give it. It's reality."

Derek nodded as if in agreement with John.

If that's the way it's gotta be...fine...I can play this too. But you're never going to know what I'm really thinking...John Connor", thought Derek.

They were interrupted as Kyle raced to Derek's bedside.

"Derek!", Kyle exclaimed.

John smiled. " I'll leave you two to talk."

"Derek, wait until I tell you how we got away from the machines!", Kyle exclaimed.

Derek wanted to be as excited about the reunion as Kyle, but the news about Amanda had left a bad taste in his mouth.Hearing how Connor and his little brother had escaped the machines while Amanda had been plowed under by them made him feel a little bitter.

"Can we talk about it later, huh Kyle. I'm happy to see you but I'm really out of it. Maybe you could just show me around the place for the time being." Derek spoke.

"Sure!", Kyle answered. He wasn't hurt by Derek's response at all.

Derek barely heard Kyle's chatter as they walked the corridors of the ratty human sanctuary.

Inside his heart was dying. He would always take care of his little brother...perhaps Kyle would hold the last emotional tie Derek would ever have, but everything else was growing cold.

"Who's that?" Derek stopped, interrupting Kyle's chatter.

The old guy smiled at Derek.

"Oh...this is Willie." Kyle said, "He does tattoos"

"Well...Willie what use does someone have for tattoos now" asked Derek sarcastically.

Derek felt cynical and not quite himself.

The man continued to smile. He knew his service wouldn't help win against Skynet but it provided something to distract the people from their current state. Connor had said that it helped with morale and it was really the only thing the old man was any good at anyway.

"People need something more than just fighting all the time." Willie said.

"And you think tattoos are it?" Derek asked.

"For me...yes. It's not something the machines do. It's art. Machines don't create art or music, nor can they appreciate it. If all we do is fight then we become like them. " Willie answered.

Derek thought about it. Maybe the old man was right. Maybe the human race needed little things like this to hold onto their humanity. God knows the growing coldness on the inside of him made him feel less human every minute.

"If I describe a design to you, Willie do you think you could duplicate it?" asked Derek.

"Sure, I'm good at that kind of thing" answered Willie.

"Derek can I get one?", asked Kyle.

"When your older", answered Derek.

When Willie had finished, the same design that had been on Amanda's jacket decorated his forearm. Looking down at the dragon, Derek remembered Amanda's sweet face. He forced himself to think of the cold metallic faces of the machines.

"Every machine I kill, I kill for you...Amanda", Derek whispered.


Derek's eyes slowly adjusted to the darkened room. The gentle music that filtered through the atmosphere was in stark contrast to rapidly beating heart pounding in his chest.

In the middle of the room sat a tub of blood.

"If that's human blood, they aren't getting any of mine", he thought.

Jerking back against the T600 he tried to break free but in his already weakened state he couldn't wrench from it's grip.

"You can't possibly use my blood." said Derek as he continued to try and struggle against the machine, "Get your hands off of me!"

The T600's grasp remained firm. Locked in a death grip he pulled Derek to a chair that sat next to the tub and shoved him into the seat.

Derek looked up at the machine with both hate and fear.

This is what they wanted...blood...his blood...and for Why not go to a work camp? Surely there were blood donors there.

"I'm AB negative. I don't think you can use that..can you?" Derek reasoned.

He had heard rumors that human blood could be used to grow back the cyborgs skin, but he had never met anyone who had actually witnessed it.

Ignoring him the T600 tied Derek's arms into the restraints.

The needle pierced his arm and Derek felt is life slowly being drained as the machine withdrew his blood.

The minutes that passed seemed like hours and Derek found himself becoming woozy. He was also aware as he began to drift into unconsciousness that he and the T600 were not the only ones in the room.


Like a rag doll Derek lay in the corner. His strength..his life had been drained from him and for regrow skin on one of those stinking machines.

Derek could feel the anger rising within him. He thought about all the things that had been taken from him. His parents...his hope for a future...his innocence...friends...and Amanda. They were all gone now. He had nothing except Kyle and after being captured Derek couldn't even be sure that his brother was still alive.

Further weakened from the blood loss, he found himself falling in and out of consciousness.

His eyes opened to two figures in the center of the room. Due to difficulty in focusing, Derek could not make out the features of either of them but he suspected the T600 was the larger of the two.

Awake or asleep...he was not sure, but he believed that at one point one of the figures had submerged in the tub.

Then silence.

"Was he alone?" he thought " Were they gone?"

Derek closed his eyes.

Awakening to a bustle of activity, Derek could hear talking.

He couldn't make it out. The sounds were muffled and sleep called to him. Even as the bliss of unconsciousness moved again to greet him, he fought to remain hear just one word of what was being said...but losing the battle Derek fell back into a deep sleep.

Time had no meaning. How long had he been out? How long had he been here?

Weak, but now able to focus, upon awakening Derek once again looked around at his surroundings.

The tub was now gone. Even the blood spills that had splattered the floor had been cleaned up.

Scanning the room Derek didn't notice the small figure that had leaned down beside him. The person's face was just inches from Derek's cheek.

Derek froze. His heart began to race again. He had no fight left in him and whatever this thing had in mind he was at it's mercy.

Slowly Derek turned his face to look directly into whatever had invaded his space and
was greeted with confusion.

Pain and grief gripped his heart.

"No" he rasped "No'

The machine just looked at him quizzically.

"Can you get to your feet?" it asked.

Derek just stared in shock.

"I said can you get to your feet?" it repeated.

Derek managed to nod his head yes, although he wasn't sure he could.

Why? Was this fate's cruel twisted joke?

It wasn't like he hadn't heard of it. Several camps had reported that resistance fighters had gone missing to be replaced by duplicates. In the camps that had an absence of dogs, the damage inflicted by these dopplegangers had been extensive.

It was amazing how much she looked like Amanda. Same eyes, same hair, same skin...but no...that wasn't Amanda and that wasn't her skin. That was skin grown from his stolen blood. Rage filled Derek's heart.

They had killed her and now they were mocking him...twisting a knife in an old open wound...laughing at his pain and suffering. The machine reached out its hand to help Derek to his feet, but Derek wouldn't take it. He glared angrily up at it and spit in it's face.

"You think this is funny!" he snarled, "It's just some sort of sick joke to you isn't it!?"

The machine honestly looked surprised as if it didn't know that the image it had taken belonged to the woman that was Derek's first love. It wiped away the spital that ran down it's cheek.

"What?! You can't answer me!?" Derek shouted, "You twisted metal bit..."

Derek trailed off as what bit of adrenaline he had produced due to his fury was overcome by the affects of his blood loss. He grabbed at his forehead as a wave of light-headedness overcame him.

The machine seemed to wait for Derek to regain his composure. Derek didn't continue his rant. What was the point? It wouldn't bring the real Amanda back and it was only making him weaker. He needed to preserve his strength if he was going to escape.

"You need to go back upstairs. Can you walk?" the machine asked again.

Derek nodded his head yes.

Instead of helping Derek up the machine called for the T600 which quickly pulled Derek to his feet. Derek felt a wave of disgust has he had to lean on the older machine for support. It made him feel vulnerable and broken.

Moving towards the door Derek's arm brushed against Amanda's metal twin. He tried not to think about it...about how he wished for just one moment she could be real. But she wasn't and this was just another horrible day in the miserable vein of his existence.

As the T600 opened the door Derek heard the smaller machine say,

"The does help to pass the time"

As he was ushered out the door Derek turned in shock to look back into the room.

"What did you say?!" he gasped.

The doppleganger just stared.

Just past her, Derek saw the chair he had sat in as they had taken his blood. Draped over its arm was a jacket. On its front left side was the same dragon design that was tattooed on his arm.

The T600 pulled Derek out of the room.

She wasn't a copy. She was Amanda...and she was a machine.

Derek stared into her face as she shut the door between them. It had all been a lie. His first love had been a lie.

The rage began to rise in Derek's heart yet once again. Andi Good was the cause of this and he would pay...Derek would see to that.


The two figures walked away from the building.

A means of escape had been left for the prisoners, but it would be hours before any of them stirred. Amanda and her companion would be long gone by then.

The sight of Derek Reese had brought back memories of a time when she had been confused...a time when her programming had gone haywire. He had been her lifeline...he helped her keep her sanity and for that she had been grateful.

On the day he had decided to go to the resistance she knew that they would have to part ways. It was much too early for her to return to John. Nevertheless that fateful day had provided her with the means of blending in with the other machines. Her skin had been seared off by an explosion in the battle. While among them she had been able to spy on Skynet and send information to John.

She was abruptly interrupted from her thoughts by her companion's voice, "I think we fooled him."

The T600 stripped the mask from his face and removed the gloves from his hands. Stooping he removed a small metal slide from the side of his leg that made a metallic sound much like the machines that skynet created.

"Yes it did seen to be successful", Amanda replied, "I don't think he will figure out the truth".

"For now anyway. Derek is stubborn, opinionated, and pig-headed. At some point he may start asking questions.", John said, as he stuffed the mask, gloves, and metal slide into his jacket pocket.

"You mean he's stubborn like you.", Amanda replied.

"Funny." John said. He knew she was only making an observation but it seemed like such a sarcastic attempt to make a joke that John grinned. If anyone had been watching they would have recognized the boy John Connor once must have been.

"Derek's not like his brother. Kyle didn't ask any questions. All I had to do was ask and he was willing to donate. Derek would have wanted to know why and if he had known it was for a machine he wouldn't have agreed. He refuses to see the bigger picture." John continued.

John didn't have any regrets. It had taken months for him to come up with a way to use his own AB blood rather than the O that the machines generally used to regrow their skin. He had felt that with her being his bodyguard that having the same blood type would be an advantage.

Not long after re-uniting with her he had started collecting and storing his own blood for the process. He had not intended to use either Kyle's or Derek's blood...he had simply run out of time.

"What irony" he thought...running out of time when you have a time machine.

The ruse had to be convincing so John had taken the blood of all the prisoners, intimidating them in the process. If he had been younger he might have felt guilt for such actions, but war had changed him, nevertheless he used the excuse that the blood collected could be used for blood transfusions to ease whatever minimal guilt he did feel.

What John hadn't expected was Billy Wisher's confession. That had been a surprise...but one that garnered an edge against Skynet that the resistance had not previously had. Remembering the events in the basement, John's thoughts turned to Derek's reaction to Amanda at the end...that had not been expected either. It was almost as if he recognized her.

"One thing...Could you tell me what all that was the know...when Derek turned around and looked at you. What was it you said?" John asked looking hard at his companion.

"I don't know", she lied, "I simply said that music helps pass the time. Maybe he was shocked that a machine would listen to music."

John seemed to accept the answer.

"Maybe", he said nodding his head in agreement.

Amanda didn't want to tell John the reason why Derek reacted the way that he did.In fact John thought that her skin had been burnt off on Judgment day when they had gotten separated and that she had blended in with the metal models since then. She had not been able to bring herself to tell John the truth. She could not gage what his reaction might be and at such a critical point in the plan she didn't want to risk it. It didn't really matter anyway.

Her memory would soon be scrubbed. She would no longer be Amanda. She would be Cameron and far far away from Derek Reese. Little did she know that John had made Derek Reese part of the plan.

If you would like to read other fanfic by this author try out

The Last Link

The Voice


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