Trust and Hope

By RCHGINGER.
I own nothing.
All rights and characters and TSCC are properties of Fox broadcasting.
Made for entertainment purposes only.

I'd like to thank FrenchFan for creating this page. Otherwise I would have been lost without any place to put this.

This is mostly a Jameron centric story.
It is set during and after Today is the day part 1. I decided to set it in this episode because this is my very first fanfic and i thought it would be a little easier to write.
I hope that you enjoy.

...........................Trust is hard to get. But there is always hope...................................................................................................................................

“Was it you…?” he asked, his back was to me. I could hear the clasp opening and closing. The watch. The kill switch. My kill switch. “…Did you kill her?”
We had been in the shed when Sarah came to tell him. Riley was dead. He hadn’t been able to look at me since she told him; I gave him sometime before coming to find him up here.
Would he even believe me if I told him the truth?
“What if I did?”
“Don’t play games with me. I need the truth.”
The truth. Would he believe the truth? Did I make a mistake in trusting him? Trusting him with everything. With my life.
…maybe… “I didn’t kill her.”
“I wanna believe you.”
He wanted to believe me. That was good, right?
“Believe me.” I wanted, needed, him to believe me.
“But sometimes you lie to me.”
Yes, that was true. Sometimes I wasn’t truthful with John.
Most of the time it was for his own good. But I was starting to realize that even lying to protect John wasn’t good. He deserved the truth.
He was my John now.
“Yes. I do. But I’m not lying now.” He had stopped playing with my kill switch.
“I am sorry.”
He turned now to look at me. His expression a mixture of confusion, upset, sadness and something else….hope?
“You’re sorry. For what?”
I wasn’t sorry Riley was dead. I couldn’t be.
She had been a high security risk to John. That and every time she was near I felt an irritated sensation deep inside, one I couldn’t explain.
I didn’t like her being near John.
So no I wasn’t sorry she was dead, but…..
“For your loss.”
“I really wish I could believe that too.” He said before brushing past me and re-entering the house.
I didn’t turn to watch him go. Didn’t follow him inside.
I wanted him to believe in me. To trust me, like he had before….
But nothing I said could change his mind.
He knew I lied to him before and I could be lying now.
He would either believe me. Trust in me. Or…..
…..Or he wouldn’t. And I had made a mistake.
I hope I hadn't made a mistake.
………………………………DEREK...................................
“John’s girlfriends dead. The cyborg did it.”I said to Jessie as I finished putting a band aid on her knuckles, she had been in a bar fight.
“You know that for sure.”
Of course the metal bitch did it.
“Who else could it be?” I said as I finished re-packing the first aid kit.
“What are you going to do?”
“About the metal?”
“Cause you can’t kill her Derek…”
I felt a frown pull on the corner of my lips.
What? What the hell?
“…That’s not something you can do….”What the hell was she saying? “….he has to make that decision on his own.
The frown deepened as I studied her.
What the hell was she saying….? That she wanted John to be the one to kill Cameron?
Why the hell would it matter who was the one to do the world its greatest favor and kill the bitch, as long as she was killed.
“You’ve really thought this through.”
She was quiet a full minute before she answered me. Her eyes everywhere but on me. “No. But I’ve thought about it. Same as you.” She said finally looking at me.
No. Not same as me.
Yes I’ve thought about killing the metal bitch. Taking my gun, aiming for the spot above her right eye where her chip was located. But not about John killing her. Never that.
I thought nagged at me but I pushed it aside as I shut her door and walked to the driver side.
……………………………JOHN..................................
I had been looking for Cameron. I needed to see her.
Remind myself that she was different. That she wasn’t like the other machines.
That she was special. That I had made her special.
I wanted to believe her. I did. Probably more than was wise.
But there was that other voice inside my head. The one that said that she could have done it. Of course she could have done it.
But the side, the side of me the wanted to believe. Needed to trust her. That side reasoned that she wouldn’t have given me the means to end her, if she had killed Riley.
So I went looking for her. But I found my mom instead.
As I walked into the shed I saw her holding the arm of an endoskeleton that was supposed to have been burned months ago.
But Cameron had kept it and the other parts that laid on the table, for spares.
I had admitted to myself, after I calmed down from learning she had lied to me once again, that it was smart of her to have spears.
She told me that future me told her to keep some parts. I didn’t know if that was true or not. Had no way of knowing.
“We were keeping it for research, to learn….”
“Don’t. John…Just don’t.” She said cutting me off. “Don’t cover for her. Don’t make excuses for her.”
“I knew about the parts.” Maybe not in the beginning, but there was no reason to tell her that.
“I’m not talking about the parts. I’m talking about Riley.”
I heaved a sigh as I moved to stand on the opposite side of the work table.
I had known this was coming… was surprised it had taken her this long.
“Well there’s nothing to talk about is there. Cause Riley’s dead.”
“And how do you think that happened?”
“I don’t know. But I’m going to figure it out.”
Mom looked down at the table before looking back up at me. “You know John. We both know.”
Even though I knew it was coming it still took me a minute. “No. Cameron didn’t do.”
“How can you say that…?” she asked with a look of confusion. “How can you be so sure?”
I wasn’t. But I didn’t let her know that. If I did she wouldn’t hesitate to kill Cameron. “Because I’m sure. And I know her. And she told me.”
“She told you. Just like she told you she burned every part we ever captured….”
No she hadn’t told me that. But I forgave her. It was forgotten.
“….Just like she tells us what she does every night while we sleep. In the morning she’s covered with cuts and bruises…..”
No. But no one was always honest. No one told everyone the absolute truth. Mom didn’t know about all the times I snuck out to see Riley, Cameron didn’t tell her. I remembered. (She kept my secret). Mom didn’t tell me what she was always doing. And none of us knew what the hell Derek was up to.
Mom grabbed my chin bringing my attention back to her. “…..Just like she told you she loved you.”
The words hit me like a blow in the stomach, making me release my breath.
Making me remember the things I had been fighting to forget, the words Cameron had spoken when she had been pinned between those trucks…..
I Love You John and You Love me…………..
……………..She doesn’t know. She doesn’t. I Love You.
…..How could she say that? Use that to try to turn me against Cameron.
I fought the pain and hurt as I brought my hands down onto the table. “You don’t know anything.” I said with barely controlled anger, before turning and leaving the shed.
I had to find proof. Something, anything. That proved Cam didn’t do it, before mom and Derek took it into their own hands.
I let out a short bitter filled laugh; I had to save her from them. Had to save the machine from the humans.
But first I had to keep Riley's foster parent’s from going to the cops.
I would need Cameron.
I set off to find her. Again.
………………………………….CAMERON................................
“John. Joooohhnnn...I Love you John.” I said before flipping the phone close and exiting the car, walking to meet John half way.
He looked upset. It was there on his face, in the set of his shoulders.
But I wasn’t sure why.
Not really.
I knew I had done something wrong.
And maybe what I said had been….I search for the word….stupid. But I had something I needed to tell him. Something I wouldn’t have been able to tell him in a normal situation.
So I took advantage of this…..and…and I thought he’d want to hear her voice.
At that thought the sensation I had always felt when he was near her came back. She was dead and I was still having this sensation; that was illogical, I didn’t understand it. And I didn’t like it.
Maybe I was wrong. I could have been wrong.
The thought that I could have possibly been wrong served to ease the sensation.
…………………………….JOHN..................................................................
“What the hell was that about?” I asked as I came to a stop in front of her.
“What was what about?”
“What happened just now?” Had she been able to forget it so easily?
Because I hadn’t. What she had said on the phone before we hung up still clung tightly to my mind.
Those three little words wouldn’t leave me.
And she had no idea….Not a clue…. Of what she had done to me.
”It was the plan.”She said it so matter-of-fact, as if nothing had happened.
No. What she had done was much more than the plan.
What she did……How could she? Why would she?
The affect of the words hit me harder than they would normally have. With it being so close to mom reminding me of the last time she had said those words….
Reminding me how truthful that had been and how untruthful they had been.
“No that was not the plan. The plan was to call the foster parent’s. The plan was to let him hear her voice.”
“That’s what I did.”
No she had done more than that. “That’s not all you did.”She had tilted my already unstable world on its sides, that's what she did. “What you did was not the plan.”
“The plan was to make him believe she was still alive. The plan was to keep him from going to the police. You became a part of that plan. Your reaction made it more authentic.”
She tilted her head sideways and looked up at me from underneath her lashes with those big chocolate brown eyes that were a constant feature in my dreams. Along with their owner. “Don’t you think it made it more authentic?”
I didn’t answer her.
“Where are we going now?”
“We’re not going anywhere. I’m going somewhere and I’m going alone.” I said before brushing past her.
“You shouldn’t be alone.”
“Yes I should.” I really should. I needed to clear my head. Needed to get her out of my mind…that thought in its self was stupid…she was always in my mind. Even if I didn’t want her there.
And I had a feeling she would be there for the rest of tonight, I still had to find some way to prove she didn’t kill Riley…..
…..How messed up is it to go see a dead girl who had thought of herself as your girlfriend…who you were suppose to care about….who cared about you….in the morgue so that you could prove that another girl, who isn’t even a girl; who you care about more than you should, more than what was wise, didn’t kill her?
This was the question that tugged on my mind as I walked away. Not turning to see if she was watching me. I couldn’t look at her now. I needed time.
…………………….Derek.....................................................................
I drove around aimlessly as I let my thoughts wonder. As I thought about what Jessie had said before dragging me off to bed.
……………….Flash back……………………..
“Derek?” she asked as she stopped and came back to me.
I hadn’t entered the room, instead pausing in the doorway. Something was bugging. Something she said.
“I’ve been thinking about Riley. What the cyborg did to her.” I watched her intently as she replied.
“It’s a terrible thing. But maybe some good can come of it. You know, if It helps John realize what the metal is. What it really does.”
What? No good would come from this. And I said as much. “Good. An innocent kid is dead. Because that metal bitch killed her cold blood.” I shook my head. “No can come from that.”
Jessie was quiet, her gaze on the floor. “You’re a good man Derek.” She said quietly before wrapping her arms around me and kissing me, before dragging me off to bed. All thoughts and questions forgotten.
………………End of Flashback……………….
But now all of those thoughts came back and I couldn’t get what she had said about John having to be the one to kill the metal out of my head.
I couldn’t understand why should would say that.
I mean, yes if I was to kill her John would be pissed (probably beyond pissed). But Jessie wouldn’t know that, I hadn’t told her about how close John was getting to the metal.
She had been acting different. First she is unwilling to tell me her JD date. Then she is reluctant to help me with a simple track and grab mission. And only agrees to it after I give her the option of either helping me or telling me what’s happening with her plan. She obviously hadn’t wanted to tell me about her plan, at the time I hadn’t gave it any thought but……….
…….her plan was to get John any from Cameron………..but Jessie would, she would do that………she wouldn’t go that far. I couldn’t, wouldn’t, believe that of her.
Besides she had never met Riley….
But one thing I knew for certain, she wasn’t the same Jessie that I had left.
………………………..John................................................................................
I looked over my shoulder at Cameron. She hadn’t gotten out of the car but instead still sat in the driver’s seat, her hands clenched around the steering wheel.
At first I thought she was having one of her glitches, but realized that she was in deep thought her eyes on Derek’s truck. And I knew what she was thinking…One more person who had found her guilty without any type of proof or hesitation. It was at that time that I realized I hadn’t told her I believed her. That I knew she didn’t kill Riley.
I turned and headed back to the car, went around to the passenger side, opened the door and slide back inside not bothering to shut the door.
“I know you didn’t kill her.”
She turned to look at me. “Is that where you went?”
I nodded. “I needed to know.”
“And now you do.” She said simply, before turning to face forward once again.
“I thought you’d want to know. That I know you didn’t kill her.”
“Yes…” she said, her voice had gone flat and mechanical. “…I appreciate knowing that you now know I didn’t kill her. Thank you.”
She was making it clear. The difference. That I know she didn’t, not that I believed her when she said she didn’t.
If I didn’t know any better I would have thought she was hurt.
But I couldn’t allow myself to believe she could feel to that extent. Allow myself to hope.
“They’re not going to believe you.” She said nodding towards the house. “They’ve already made up their minds and found me guilty.”
I thought that she was right, at least about the second part,...., but was silent as I exited the car shutting the door behind me before starting towards the house.
.......But we would see about the first.
I entered the house and could hear their voices coming from the kitchen. I started that way but paused in the dining room, stopping to listen.
“What are you going to do about the metal?” Derek asked. His voice rough and hoarse.
“I don’t know what to do about Cameron…”
“Come one Sarah you know what has to be done.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Yes it is.”
“No…” mom said her voice tense. “…no it’s not. John…”
“John doesn’t see her clearly…” Derek said cutting her off. “….He isn’t able to, or doesn’t want to, see what she really is. What she really does.”
“You think I don’t know that Derek.”She said I could imagine her running her fingers through her hair. “You think I don’t see how he looks at her sometimes. I know Derek…I know…but if we where to do anything to her John would never forgive us. I already feel, like, with each passing day I’m losing him a little more. I don’t want to speed that up over her.”
“So what? We do nothing. She gets away with killing that girl.”
I had heard enough and stepped into the kitchen. Their conversation was immediately dropped and their attention on me, trying to figure out how much I had heard. “We do nothing…” I said, looking at each of them in turn. “…because she didn’t kill Riley.”
“John…” they said together. Their voice the same level of frustration.
“….Just because you don’t want it to be the truth isn’t going to change to facts. It’s what they do. It’s what she does.” It was Derek who finished.
"I’m not saying it because I want to believe it’s true. I’m saying it because it is true.”
“John…” mom started but I had heard enough.
“I went to the morgue. To see Riley.”
“John that was….” Both. Again.
“I know what it was. But I did it and it’s done…. She had bruises and defensive wounds on her hands. Now you tell me, how she would have any of those if Cameron had killed her…” I paused, but neither of them said anything. They were silent for once. “…Because I can’t come up with any reason she would have those if Cameron killed her. There wouldn’t have been a fight.” I looked at Derek and waited for him to look me in the eyes. “The metal didn’t do it. She didn’t do it.”
The room was silent.
“John…” the sound of my name broke the growing tension and the silence. I hadn’t known she had entered the room, hadn’t known she was behind me. This wasn’t unusually with Cameron.
I turned to look at her. A small smile was playing around the edges of her lips and it went straight to my heart. It had been a long time since the last time I had seen her smile. And I knew that was my fault. I hadn’t given her much to smile about lately…I hoped that would change soon.
No, not hope. It would change.
The smile was gone as swift as it had come. “…John I didn’t kill Riley. So who did?”
That was a question. That was the question.
And I was going to find the answer.
…………………….Jessie……………..
What did I do? What have I done?
I killed her.
That hadn’t been a part of the plan.
I hadn’t meant for that to happen. It wasn’t supposed to happen.
She was supposed to die of course. Yes, but the metal was supposed to be the one to kill her. If the metal killed her it wouldn’t have been one my hands. It would have been her. Not me. I’d have been clear.
But no Riley had to go and mess everything up. She had to go and attack me, making me defend myself. Making me have to kill her.
Suddenly I was extremely pissed off. This was all Riley’s fault. She was the reason everything was falling apart.
The stupid bitch. She couldn’t even die right.
Now Connor would be looking for her killer. Looking for me.
I didn’t hold any illusions that he would believe it was the metal. Even though I prayed he would. I knew he wouldn’t. Not if he didn’t condemn her right off.
Otherwise he’d check. He’d find Riley in the morgue and check.
And then he would know it hadn’t been a machine. It had been too messily done. He’d know a human had killed her.
And then he would come. Him and that metal bitch of his.
What was I going to do? What was to be done now?
……………………To be continued……………………….

Trust and hope (Cont'd)- the next installment -Trust

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